How To Understand Your Man
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| How To Understand Your Man |
Being a guy, I can honestly tell you this one simple fact about us: More than anything we want to be understood on a deep, deep level by ONE woman, and we want her to respect, love, desire, and support us because of that deep understanding. And when we find that woman, we want to give her more than ourselves; we want to give her the world.
Most guys will not admit that to a woman, and even more have no idea that’s what they really want. The mature man realizes that his happiness AND true success in life is intrinsically linked to finding the right woman and loving her with all that he has to offer. Smart women also realize that their happiness in life is directly linked to their ability to find the right man, get him to commit, and make him happy.
So therein lies our problem. How can a woman find the right man (a quality man) and keep him happy if she doesn’t know what’s going on in his head? Why should a man give you his heart and the world if he feels as if you just don’t “get him”? Remember, he wants to be understood just as much as you do, maybe even more so, but men these days just don’t know how to communicate their deepest needs in an honest, healthy way, especially to women.
Most men tend to develop along these lines:
As the young male develops, he starts out as a vulnerable little boy and needs the nurturing of his mother to help him grow. If he’s lucky, he also has his father in his life guiding and teaching him in the way a young boy should act.
And keep in mind that a lot of guys don’t have very emotionally open relationships with their fathers. But that’s a subject for another day. But I want you to think of his heart at this point like a castle, and the doors to this castle are swung wide open where anything can enter as he is exposed to his environment.
Then as he grows and he becomes more exposed to the outside world, reality hits and soon circumstances teaches him that he must keep that door closed as much as possible. He soon learns that men need to be strong; he learns that he shouldn’t cry, or maybe a bad experience with a woman completely changes his view of intimacy with women. He becomes less open about the way he feels and conceals his true emotions either to appear strong or to avoid pain. In any case, because of this he closes the doors shut and becomes more cautious to who and what he allows to enter. He feels secure and in control of his emotions, which gives him a deep sense of satisfaction as a man.
But then he meets a great woman. Someone he can depend and rely on, and someone with whom he can put his trust in…completely. But deep down inside he knows that in order to give himself to this woman he must open up those doors. In order for him to truly love her and allow her to enjoy the gift of loving him, he must open up the doors to his heart and give her the keys. But he’s terrified of what she may find within him, and he doubts if she can respect, love, and support him if he reveals his vulnerabilities to her. A part of him wants to open those doors, but in reality he just doesn’t know how. Sadly, a lot of guys aren’t equipped or prepared to do this. In fact, a lot of great guys out there simply do not know HOW to do this.
Past experiences have taught them that to be so vulnerable as a man is suicide and ridiculous. For a woman, it may be romantic and show her that he truly loves her, but for a man it may be extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Because of this, many men are in fact incapable of opening those doors themselves, unless the right woman comes along who has the keys.
So what’s a girl to do then? Well, first you’re going to have to learn how to understand him, and secondly, you need to use that understanding to get him to open up emotionally. Why? Because the key to making a man fall in love and STAY in love with you lies in your ability to connect with him on a deep, emotional level. You need to connect with his heart before he can completely commit himself to you.
Truth is, every mature man knows that being influenced by the right woman can and will make him a better man, but you can only influence a man when his heart is open to that influence. Meet his deepest needs, no matter how good, bad, or ugly they are, and he will fight to win you and keep you in his life as long as he has breath in him. That’s a promise.